I have just watched 'The Bitter Suite'. I haven't been making posts with my thoughts and impressions about the episodes for some time but I'd like to start doing them again.

In the episode prior to this one ('Maternal instincts') Xena and Gabrielle end up hurting and blaming each other for it. Gabrielle's child, Hope, turned out to be evil; she killed Solon, Xena's child, and was killed by Gabrielle when she realized how wrong she was about the child. Because of their offspring and misunderstanding between one another, Xena and Gabrielle undergo a lof of pain. I personally think that they had to start talking to each other after Hope's birth. Xena shouldn't have tried to kill the baby right away. It was better to let Gabrielle see who the child truly was. Xena, as a mother, could have understood that Gabrielle would never kill her daughter. Anyone, but Gabrielle. Anything, but killing your child.

When Gabrielle said 'I love you' and Xena didn't even look at her, I was crying as hard as they. I couldn't believe how the story could turn out the way it did. How it made the girls hurt each other, although they didn't know they were doing it at the time. I dreaded to see next episode.

Read on

I did understand that the girls would want to leave each other for a little while, to cool off, to think, to make a decision about the future. I would think Gabrielle would be devastated beyond words and would grieve deeply for the death of Hope, Solon, Kaleipus; grieve for losing Xena. But I would never guess she would feel hatrid for Xena. How could she? I honestly don't understand her motives.

When Xena appeared in the Amazons village I was relieved. I hoped she would take Gabrielle and make them both talk about everything. Yes, they would fight, try to leave, yell at each other and all. But they would get it out of their systems and free their souls. Oh was I wrong.

This dragging by the horse left me shocked and empty. Would Xena ever do it to the very person who loves her? I know that Xena can be evil and her dark side is very strong. I believe Ares's provocations did the thing. But I was really outraged by the very presence of such an act. I'm no Xena, I can't think or feel like she does. But the scene of such a violent, cruel attempt to murder makes me want to shut the damn TV down and never ever believe in love.

The whole idea of singing was quite refreshing and, well, I like it. Callisto was repulsive, though. I really don't know why. The thing I really liked were the songs between Xena and Gabrielle. The one in a large, dim building with pillars and a ruined roof, showing a night sky, was great. The words were like prayers for each other. It seemed like they were really lovers, partners, who cared deeply for one another but both did smth very bad. They were trying to expiate their guilt... It was so beautiful.

Xena
"Tell me how you feel. Right now. Nothing from the past! Right now!"

Gabrielle
"I hurt inside!" A painful pause. A whisper: "Don't you?"

And then Xena puts on the famous mask: 'I'm strong and cold and nothing can make me feel', and walks away. I thought I would burst from the pain for Gabrielle and their relationship. But at that moment Xena starts singing... And we realize that she hurts just the same. She's just not used to show it, not even to Gabrielle, not at that time at least.

Xena
[Walking away from Gabrielle]

My heart is hurting beyond words.
The pain is tearing up my soul.
These days have seen my spirit die,
My life propelled out of control.

My wounds lie naked to the world--
My depth of suffering exposed.
This damaged past can never heal
Until this nightmare book is closed.

Gabrielle

My heart is hurting beyond words.
The pain is tearing up my soul.
Please tell me how I can retrieve
The life that all this sadness stole?

And then another one, when Xena is on the cross and Gabrielle is chained to the altar. They start to understand what they've done to each other, how cruel and devastating their actions have been. It was a song-like dialoge; so splendid and so painful at the same time.

Xena

I never dreamed that we'd be distanced by a hate
That all the trust we had would go.

Gabrielle

How could I hate you?

Xena

How could it come to pass, this awful twist of fate?

Gabrielle

How could I hurt you?

Xena

This madness can't be so.

Gabrielle

I can't believe it.

Xena

I never dreamed that any barriers could rise.

Gabrielle

Or that I'd ever see the stranger in your eyes.

Xena

Our hearts were hurting both the same.

Gabrielle

The hurt was tearing up our souls.

Xena

The fury in us made us blind.

Gabrielle

We could not see beyond the pain.

Xena

If we can turn again to love.

Gabrielle

If we can heal these open wounds.

Xena

We'll leave this hatred far behind.

Gabrielle

So not a trace of hate remains.

Both

We'll overcome our damaged past!
And we'll grow stronger side by side!
To stand together through the storms!
We're safe 'cause love will be our guide!

Hightlight moments

HIGHLIGHT MOMENTS:

The look on Xena's face when Gabrielle is singing the first song:

Once again, Xena's reaction to Gabrielle's words in the second song is pure anguish and pain:

Some pictures that are worth looking at

Some pictures that are worth to look at

(Sorry for the bad quality, though)